Energy Solution

Lately, I've been obsessed with politics. I usually am, but recent events have had me transfixed on all things political. Debt ceilings, budget concerns, spending...the full gamut of today's issues. I've pontificated with friends on Facebook and Twitter, winning approval from many and offending others. 

But today, I want to do something different. It occurs to me that I can't actually change any of those scenarios with my rhetoric. And, since I am a man of action, I want to spend my time on something that will have a cumulative positive effect on my fellow man. I think I've stumbled upon the PERFECT alternative:  I believe I have solved our nation's energy concerns!  

I know. I should have been on this months ago, but inspiration is a fickle muse and must be courted carefully. Allow me to share my masterpiece, won't you?

I intend to consult my Congressional representative for the purposes of introducing a bill to change how we collect our fossil fuel resources. I call it the Geological Auxiliary Systems Bill, or G.A.S. For short. Rep. Steve Cohen (D-TN) will be personally responsible for introducing G.A.S. in the hallowed House Chambers. After an intense debate, I fully expect the House to heartily pass G.A.S. by a wide bi-partisan margin. Paul Ryan will play an especially pivotal role in this, as his propensity for passing G.A.S. will become legendary.

Once this is done, G.A.S. will waft over to the Senate. Now, this aspect is critical, because here's where we let it rip with our new method of accessing our natural energy resources. We will institute a nuanced system of safe collection, known as Fossilized Aggressive Refinery Targeting, or "F.A.R.T.ing" for short. We will make F.A.R.T.ing the only acceptable process for tapping in ground energy sources. Because of how safe it is, F.A.R.T.ing in national parks will be permitted. This means we can F.A.R.T. all over Alaska and F.A.R.T. all up in our Florida wildlife preserves.

Institution of a regulatory board will be a key component, since the cost effective nature of F.A.R.T.ing will attract big business. We can't have them F.A.R.T.ing all over the place and F.A.R.T.ing uncontrollably. Overseeing this  board will be a  new cabinet level position: the Office of Prioritized Oil Oversight Tactics. The P.O.O.T. Secretary will make certain that, once G.A.S. is passed, F.A.R.Ting levels are maintained in a way that responsibly decreases our foreign oil dependence. 

There you have it!  We can pass G.A.S., cut loose with F.A.R.T.ing and make certain the P.O.O.T Secretary knows who F.A.R.T.ed, when they F.A.R.T.ed and where the F.A.R.T.ing took place!  

Whew..... I'm kinda winded!!